Meditation

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After my conviction I thought the only way I would survive jail was to dive deep into my meditation. I decided to meditate seven hours each day It felt like quite a challenge to me. J meditated one hour in the morning, two and a half hours at noon, three in the evening and a half an hour before sleep I was inspired by the ideal of the lotus flower It grows in stagnant, muddy ponds, yet dirt rolls off its leaves and its beauty remains unaffected by its surroundings. In India it is the symbol of spiritual purity and the ideal of ‘being in the world but not of it’. The lotus symbolised to me the ability to remain unaffected by the dirt and bondages of physical existence.

At times meditation was a real struggle. particularly in the beginning. If it was not physical difficulties then it was mental fascinations or attachments that tried, sometimes successfully, to take me away from my inner search for union with the Infinite. Over time I was able to become physically and mentally stronger and my meditation became more peaceful, pleasurable and eventually blissful. Bliss in meditation is not like ordinary pleasure or intoxication. It is extremely enjoyable and brings feelings of love and deep fulfilment. I started to feel very carefree and happy. One time I shocked a visitor by telling her I would not have minded if I did the full term of my sentence. The thought of spending the next 16 years in blissful meditation was very appealing to me—it could even counteract the awful food.

For the next few months 1 did little else other than meditate. I began to perceive small luminous lights in my cell, which according to Tantra, are elevated beings who have reincarnated into luminous bodies’. It was not long before my cell became a spiritual oasis. The contrast between my cell and the rest of the prison environment was so marked that after entering my cell I immediately peace would descend upon me. This made me reluctant to leave my spiritually vibrated cell.

Baba appeared in my meditation frequently. I saw his body so distinctly that I thought my eyes where open. If! would check and open my eyes he would disappear. Usually he appeared ‘with a big grin, beaming love and pleasure towards me. One time he looked sternly at me when I was daydreaming and not concentrating on my meditation. Another time he appeared and began to lean over to one side. I realised he was teasing me because I was leaning to one side in my meditation. 1 straightened up quickly and Baba disappeared.

The visual experience of Baba is just one way to experience Consciousness. According to Tantra, divine Consciousness is One. However, it filters down through the layers of the mind and as it comes in contact with the more conscious ego levels of the mind, it is perceived according to the individual’s mental conditioning. A Christian may see Jesus, Mary or angels. A Hindu may see gods or goddesses, while a New Age seeker may experience light, guides, sounds or some other phenomenon that is related to spirituality God or guru can therefore guide us in a form that we can love and relate to. What I was experiencing was my guru giving me inner guidance through his visual form. This increased my faith in Baba and the Tantric path. It also helped clear away some skepticism I had felt before when I had read about such experiences.