Through the Eyes Of a Child

( By Didi Ananda Prajina Paramita )

I was born into a spiritual family in India. My family had been initiated into the Tantric path before my birth, so spirituality was always part of my life. Ananda Marga was my parents' chosen path and I followed them along it. At that time, Ananda Marga was just a small organization and our Guru was very close to us. We would visit him whenever we could in the town of Jamalpur where he lived. It was a different time - we had the opportunity to be very close to him.

Although I was born into a deep spiritual tradition, I still had to go through my own process of coming to terms with my spiritual path and my own relationship with my Guru. This process and these experiences began for me at a very early age and have continued throughout my life, even deepening my spiritual conviction. I share here some of these experiences which have woven the spiritual fabric of my life.

The beginning of the blossoming of my spiritual life came when I was six years old. With my parents and grandmother, I had gone to see Baba in Jamalpur. At that time, Ananda Marga was a very small organization. Many devotees came to see Baba from different parts of India. Everyday, Baba would come the ashram in the evening. He would give darshan (appear personally) and speak individually with people. Sundays, however, were special, as Baba came twice on that day.

On this occasion Baba was meeting with my family, giving advice about our family problems and also talking about how to develop the organization work of Ananda Marga through social service and relief work. However, I was feeling very upset with Baba because he never talked with me, so I was not with them in the room.

I was playing at the gate of the ashram when Baba suddenly appeared. I had no chance to escape, he caught me by one hand and he embraced me with the other hand. He gently stroked my chin. I was looking at him in a mystical way. He was smiling and looking at me with his charming eyes. For a while we looked at each other without talking. Then he took me on his lap and said, "Are you upset with me?'. I had no answer. I just nodded.

'Do you know who I am ?' Baba said to me. I shook my head.

You cant know me because you are very young. When you grow up, you will come to know who I am. I am your nearest and dearest one. Are you happy now that I talked to you?'

' Yes Baba,' I replied

'We have become very good friends. Now go and play'. I did pranam (showed my respect) to Baba by touching his feet and he blessed me.

Although I was just a young child, my mind becomes became very blissful. Even today when I remember this incident I still feel that same feeling of divine ecstasy.

As my spirituality unfolded, I felt the need to understand Baba more deeply - to know just how closely he knew me, to know how deeply I could trust him. So a little later that same year, I devised  a test for my Guru. My mother had often said to me, 'You should not do anything wrong because Baba knows everything you do.' But I could not believe what my mother told me. how could he know everything? How could he know what I am doing in my house? I wanted to test Baba.

I leaned that in three or four day's time. I would go to see Baba with my parents. So I made a plan. I went to an orchard and picked some custard apple, and then I hid them in the paddy storehouse. I was thinking that, when I see Baba, if he tells me what I have done today then I will be sure Baba knows everything.

We went to see Baba in Jamalpur. My father and mother did pranam, then I also did pranam before Baba. Immediately Baba said to me,' I know, you hid custard apples in your paddy store. Is it not true?' I was surprised that he should know this. From that time, I understood that Baba was so close to me that he knew everything about me.

As I grew, my inquiry mind sought to understand the finer points of spirituality. I had a desire to understand the difference between spiritual dogmas and deep spirituality. On one occasion, I was staying in the home of a family acarya. In that family, whenever anything was cooked they would first offer the food and a glass of water to Baba. A special room was kept for Baba in the house and in that room there was a special bed and mat. They would always put the mat down before offering food, then they would close the door and wait some time until they felt Baba had eaten. After this, they would come and take prasad ( food that has been blessed because it has been offered to Baba )

I always thought this practice was a king of dogma. I wondered why they didn't simply say their guru mantra over the food, as this would mean the food has been already offered to Baba, and therefore there would be no need to offer it physically.

It was the time of the harvest. The tradition in India is always to offer the first food from the new harvest to God. So they asked me to make Khir (sweet milky rice) for Baba. I prepared myself by taking a bath and then I prepared the khir in a new pot. I was singing kirtan while I was cooking, putting as much love into the food as I could.

When I was cooking, I thought to myself that I really wanted to see if Baba comes to eat this food or not. SO I said to the family that today I would offer the food myself. I decided to place the spoon on the plate instead of in the bowl with the food. If the spoon was used then in this way I would be able to see if the food had really been eaten. I also put a glass of water beside the food. I offered the food to Baba in the special room they set aside for him and closed the door. While we waited, I began talking about Jamalpur and looking at photos with the family members next room.

Half an hour later, the acharya's wife, who had been outside, started shouting,' Baba, Baba, why ae you leaving my house? We wondered to whom she was speaking.

I looked outside. I saw Baba walking quickly away from the house. The acharya's wife was running after him, then she collapsed. After a few seconds Baba vanished. then the house was full of fragranced and the vibrations was very high.

I ran to Baba's room to check if Baba had eaten the khir. To my great surprise, I saw that someone had eaten some khir and drunk the water. Water was also spilled near the plate. now I felt rather bad, but I understood that when we offer our food to Guru with a pure heart, he will always come to eat.

When this events occurred, Baba was in Jail in Patna. A few weeks later I went to see him there. I offered him my garland and did pranam. When everyone left, he called me close and blessed me. I promised that I would certainly become an acharya. I did pranam and left the room, constantly glancing over my shoulder at Baba with tearful eyes.

I did go to become an acharya and Baba has continued to stretch my boundaries. After I first became a Didi, I worked for several years in India, but then Baba posted me to work in Italy. I had come from a small village in India, and leaving India was a huge challenge for me. It was not just that it was culturally different. I also felt so sad to be going away so far from Baba. When I received my new posting, I felt extremely sad. Before this I had been seeing Baba twice a day while I was working in Calcutta.

When the day of my departure came, I began to cry and I cried for the whole day. In the evening, I went to Baba's house to offer a garland to him and to seek his permission for my departure. A Dada and Didi were present in Baba's room when I arrived. I was already weeping, but when I saw him I began to cry loudly. Sweetly Baba said,' I don't want to see you crying.' He asked dada and Didi to turn their faces away.

Don't look' he said. I want to say something privately to her.'

He indicated that I should come close. He whispered in my ear,' I am not sending you to the wilderness. You should always think that you are sitting on my lap.'

Then I laughed and asked him.' Baba, when will I see you again?' He said,' I am always with you. I am never far from you. Whenever you want, you can come to see me.' Then he added,' Now it is time to go.'

I did pranam and left with a happy heart.